I've been thinking a lot about Doing Something Meaningful with my life. Having a minor existential freak-out, if you will. It's funny about my job. I think I've mentioned before that you'd think this kind of writing would suck out my soul. And while I can't say for sure that the fluorescent lights and lack of windows aren't doing a little bit of sucking here and there, the job part, the writing part, seems to do the opposite. I remember when I was working in the group home, having my writing dates with Megi every time we worked together. I remember sitting at the table with one of the people I love most, with nothing to do but write and... nothing came out of my pen. I mean, words came out, and I wrote them down, dutifully, for three hours, and nothing. I go back and look at those notebooks and all I could really write was how terrified I was that tonight was finally going to be the night that one of the clients beat me to death. How worried I was about Megi. How much pain I was in and how ruthless the bill collectors were and how I never should have majored in English and how I wasn't going to be able to afford my meds this month.
I stole this photo from Megi's Facebook album,
since I was talking about Megi anyway. Hope she
Anyway, point is, I'm finally in a place where I actually have the capacity to sit down in my spare time and write decent stuff. And damn, I want to turn that decent stuff into something that's really going to shake things up and help the world and stuff. But I feel like you need a platform bigger than a blog. But what do I know. This post was largely useless, but, you know, tired.