This place matters

This place matters

Friday, January 1, 2016

Speaking of things that should be forgot

When you get older and wiser, you'll find hangovers get rarer and rarer. Because you fall asleep before you have time to get properly drunk. 
So since it's the new year, I'd like you all to resolve to help me make the world a better place this year by eliminating these obnoxious phrases from the language. By force if needed:

Hump Day: We all know what day it is. We all know what today is in relation to Friday. Announcing hump day is like announcing that we all breathe oxygen.  
Jokes relating to Chinese food and neighborhood cats: The racism is bad enough, but a decades old cliche that wasn't funny in the first place? That's the real crime. Also, how are you going to trick people into eating an animal that almost certainly tastes like pure hate?
Rescue animal: You did not drag your dog out of a burning building, you got a free dog at the damn pound. Unless you actually did drag your dog out of a burning building, in which case, props.

I can't even: Can't even what, damn it? Can't even what?? I can't live with the suspense! What can't you even? 
Break the Internet: KnowYourMeme.com says that this expression took off thanks to a 2008 episode of The IT Crowd: 
Just because something was hilarious once does not mean it will be hilarious every time you say it. Funny, though. I heard an NPR Interview with one of the IT guys at PaperMag.com. He said that one day in the fall of 2014, an editor popped 'round to ask him what would happen to the site if, say, it suddenly got a hundred million page views in one day. Later that month, PaperMag.com released those infamous sexy zombie pictures of Kim Kardashian. Those pictures didn't break the Internet, but they certainly would have broken PaperMag.com. 




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